Controversies Unlimited

Most of us want peace and happiness in life, but here we are walking around, working, playing, eating and sleeping in a world that is loaded with so much conflict that it's hard to stay focused on what we really want out of life. Some of us were told that life is a game and that it is our intentions that have attracted the events that occur in our lives and that there are no victims. Well, mark me down as someone who spent a lot of here years trying to believe that kind of logic. I followed the books and tapes as best I could since the 1970's, but I just couldn't get it right. I really believed  for months on end that peace would settle over my home if I was just have total peace within myself. Well, I found that agenda totally impossible. In fact all hell broke loose. Kids went wild. Husband walked all over me, my parents brought all their troubles to me and my siblings treated me with disrespect and I eventually exploded and broke down  like a stretched out old rubber band. Snap, and it ouch! it hurts! I had to battle everyone to define my boundaries. Anybody who says that healthy family life can be groomed with soft, smooth, sweet talk must be living on some kind of grass friendly cloud, or have their head stuck in some kind of liquid that I don't know about. Maybe they've been drinking too much water or something. I am truly sorry that I can not believe those people anymore; Lord knows I tried and that I would much prefer to be wrong on this subject. 


I feel much better believing that their is a combination of forces all around us to help us through the mazes of life. All we have to do is seek wisdom. 


Maybe wisdom comes from the ancestors and their peculiar cellular memories still lodged in our genes. Added to that it could be all the old Prophets, angels, elementals, totems, muses, saints and sinners that lived before us and promised themselves that they would show us the way if was the last thing they did. Now they are all dead and doing their best to help us guide our lives from the foggy mystical realms that they live in, still hoping that we would listen up and follow good advice. Who really knows for sure what causes us to succeed or fail in life. And who is to know what success or failure is anyway? Aren't we all playing in a world that keeps changing the road signs and the rules of the road every day?  We are told that the wisdom is within ourselves so we should trust ourselves and yet when we do just that we fall on our faces, or we hurt the ones we love the most. 

If  you want to know one of my most scandalous secrets, I am toying with the idea that I and a few others just might be from some of those families whose ancestors came from Mars and they adapted to the games of this world and I didn't. I think this might be why I just simply was never able to see things the way most people see them. It is only lately since spending some very long dark years of my soul that I have gathered enough support for my serious doubts as well as strange hopes that I have felt the inner peace that so many wise-guys talk about. I don't feel particularly wise myself, I just don't have the inner turmoil anymore. I know enough to understand why people say and do things that hurt, cripple or kill other people and I know a few ways to stop some of the hemorrhaging and hunger of children. To be sure, I still feel horrible about all the slavery and other suffering in the world, but I personally have peace about myself and the unexplored territories I am traveling. Which is such a relief to me. I finally feel rich and free when it comes right down to it.


I am happy to be exploring new territories all the time because I learned long ago that trying to follow other people's trails led me to other people's gardens and I wanted to search for food and beauty of my own. I learned I had to blaze my own trail and then I learned that I had to get ideas and help from others but nobody could do the real work for me. Yes, I love books and tapes and podcasts and videos that guide me.  


Yes, I think the world is a great place with a lot of wonderful people. I also believe that it is a miserable place for some people and that a lot of us are messed up, double thinking, circular reasoning and ill informed, delusional and deceptive. That's all. I believe there are enough apathetic, angry, half dead, heartless people out there who deliberately try to hurt others. I believe that we are born into a world where we are unreasonably manipulated, coerced, black-mailed etc to think, say and do things that are destructive to ourselves and others. And that the best we can do is to grasp the fact that the only way to find peace and strength to go on is to continually help others to find their own peace and strength too.... And when you can do that, it is true bliss.